How Negativity Can Build Up and Breed Stress

Start fresh each day!

We’ve all had minor negative events seem to build up in our lives: a frustrating morning can turn into a bad day, and too many of those can become a stressful week. With too many negative events, we can wake up feeling stressed, before much has even happened in our day. When we approach the day from a stressed or negative frame of mind, stressors can compound, and before we realize it, events that might normally hit us as mildly stressful or even neutral can feel like more than we can handle or more than we’d care to handle.

• Bad Day? Here’s How to Turn it Around
• Waking Up Stressed? Cure a “Stress Hangover”
• Reverse the Cycle of Stress
• Sign Up for the Daily Piece of Peace Newsletter

You Have Reasons to Be Optimistic–Here’s How to Make the Most of What You Have

You have many possibilities in your hands!

If you’ve been a reader of mine for a while, you may know that I’m working on my dissertation in Psychology and am studying positive psychology, among other things. I love this field because it helps people who are generally healthy find ways to maximize their potential rather than just finding ways to overcome more serious psychological issues. One of my favorite findings from the field is Barbara Fredrickson’s broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions, which found that we can create “upward spirals of positivity” by doing little things to lift our moods. This may sound like hyperbole, but it’s not–you can literally change the course of your life in measurable ways and build resilience by doing small things to get yourself feeling happy. Let me explain a little more about how it works.

When we change our moods for the better (in the literature, it’s referred to as increasing “positive affect”), our perspective shifts and we are able to notice more things. Literally, we become more aware of what is around us. This applies to resources, and we become more aware of the personal resources we have and those that are available to us. This can be social resources (friends who are willing to help us or offer support), physical resources (things we own or have access to that can help us), personal resources (strengths we forgot we had), and more. As we use and build our resources, we become more resilient to stress and more capable and proactive in our lives, which leads to more positive moods (or positive affect), and that creates a self-perpetuating cycle of positivity and growth!

This is something to be optimistic about for a few reasons. It means that little things can lead to big changes. Positive affect can be increased by small actions we choose to do in life, like taking ten minutes to remember and savor a positive memory or practice a loving-kindness meditation, for example. It’s also good news because research shows that optimists do better in life, and this can lead to increased optimism. Finally, it means that feeling good can lead to more than just a good feeling–it translates into a better future. This supplies people with a workable solution for several problems you may face, and a real reason for optimism.

If you’re looking for ways to increase your own positive affect, here’s a short list:

• Maintain a gratitude journal (I keep saying it because it works!)
• Trade jokes with a friend
• Watch a quick video on something positive (like those cute animal videos people post on Facebook–seriously!)
• Do a quick loving-kindness meditation
• Remember a time when you were really proud of yourself, and relive that memory in detail

Think of these activities and other ways you know you are able to increase your positive affect, and see if you can make at least one of these activities a daily habit. (I recommend that you decide on one before you move on with your day, and make it a regular part of your life.) This small step can lead to a great new path for you!

Vent Frustrations the Right Way

Journaling your frustrations can be a way to process them. (It’s just not as fun to read later as a gratitude journal–trust me.)

Do you see yourself as a complainer? (Or do you think of it as ‘venting frustrations’ or ‘seeking support’ rather than just complaining?) If you find yourself complaining–a little or a lot–about the frustrations and stresses of your life, there’s good news and bad news.

The Good News
The good news is that you’re far from alone–most people complain (or vent or seek support) about life’s frustrations on a fairly regular basis. The better news is that there are several legitimately good reasons for doing so. For example, bouncing your troubles off of another person can help you gain perspective, it can help you let off steam and approach the situation with more patience, and it can provide you with solutions if your listener is supportive and has great advice. This is part of why we do it, and shouldn’t beat ourselves up over it.

The Bad News
Yes, there’s obvious bad news, and that is that it’s easy to fall into the trap of complaining too much. When you cross that line, either venting too often or too intensely, you can do some damage. The problem can start to feel bigger than it is. You can stress out your friends. You can develop a more pessimistic outlook. You can make yourself more angry and your listener burned out on hearing about it, both of which can distance you from others and exacerbate stress levels. These are all reasons that can motivate you to find a better balance if you feel yourself sliding into the dark side that is the habit of complaining too much.

Back to Good News
Yes, it’s always better to have good news, and the good news here is that there are several simple ways to get out of the habit of complaining. One is to focus on the positive and keep a gratitude journal. (Yes, I’ve been mentioning them a lot lately, but I’ve always loved this habit and research shows that it really does help many things in many ways.) You can also shift your focus to literally anything else, and use techniques like “thought-stopping” to help yourself do so. For more in how, see this article on how to cut down on complaining.

Secrets of Happy People:

Happy people have certain things in common.

Research shows that happy people share fewer external traits like gender, socioeconomic status, or age, and more internal characteristics. This is good news because these tend to be things that you can change or develop more easily. Here are some of the main characteristics of happy people:

• Mood: Happy people tend to be energetic, decisive, creative, social, trusting, loving, and responsive.
• Personal Outlook: Happy people tend to share a philosophical view of life, use laughter and humor, and tend to be able to relate well to others. They also develop and use their problem-solving skills.
• Habits: Happy people tend to engage in meaningful pursuits and leisure activities, live in a positive environment, and maintain a well-balanced lifestyle. They also focus on mood-bosting activities and savor positive experiences.

Here you can read more about the common traits of happy people and how to develop them more.

Happy “Hunt for Happiness” Week!

Happiness happens when you take steps to make it so.

This week is known by the Secret Society for Happy People as “Hunt for Happiness Week,” which also makes it a great time to focus on bringing more pleasure, contentment, and joy into your life by adding activities that are proven to bring these great feelings.  Outside of participating in the official “Hunt for Happiness Week” activities, there are many things you can do to create more happiness in your life. Here are some of the simplest and most effective ways to increase your positive feelings:

1. Keep a gratitude journal.
2. Do something every day that you really enjoy.
3. Be sure you laugh a little extra each day.
4. Let people know you appreciate them.
5. Remember and savor your happy experiences.

You can also think about the things that make you happiest and be sure to incorporate them more into your life. Right now, think about three things that you’d like to experience more of this week, things that make you happy, and put them in your schedule for the next week. (I recommend that at least one of them be something from my list above, but it’s up to you.) Enjoy!

Is Meditation Stressful? Let’s Troubleshoot!

Meditation at work can really work for you!

Meditation is supposed to be a relaxing practice that leads to greater resilience toward stress in several ways:

• Meditation allows you a break from your problems so your body can get out of its stress response and your mind can escape rumination.
• Meditation provides you with a way to distance yourself from your problems and approach them from a fresh perspective.
• Meditation can actually make your mind and body less reactive to stress over time!

With these and other great benefits, why don’t we all do meditation all the time? One reason is that meditation can feel stressful sometimes and to certain personality types. This is particularly true if you don’t know what to expect or how to work around it.

Fortunately, there are strategies to make meditation less stressful and more peaceful. Here are some of the most common problems and solutions. I encourage you to get into the habit of meditation this month and let the practice help carry you through the stress of the year.

How to Get Lucky (in Life!)

Handful of luck

Friday the 13th is commonly thought of as an unlucky day, so I wanted to share some good news with you (and if you’re reading this on a non-Friday the 13th, it still applies). You may not be able to change everything, but there are some things you can do it increase the amount of good things that happen in your life–which is a way to increase your luck. Here are some of the simple ways that you can maximize your personal luck:

1. Become more of an optimist! When you look at the positives more than the negatives in life, you may be more likely to take advantage of the opportunities you see. Plus, research shows that optimists have greater health, success, and happiness in life. (How lucky is that!)
2. Give yourself little rewards to improve your mood. Research shows that when you experience an emotional lift, you tend to have a broader perspective and this leads to you taking advantage of more opportunities in your life, which leads to more emotional lifts. It creates an upward spiral of positivity!
3. Keep a gratitude or coincidence journal. This helps you to notice the good things that happen and make more of them a reality in the future. This can help you make more good things happen for yourself.

In addition to the above, there are other strategies you can do to increase your luck here. However you do it, the more you focus on good luck instead of bad luck today, the more you’ll likely enjoy your day. Have a great one!

January: Get a Balanced Life Month (But if You’re Reading This in a Different Month, It’s Still Great to be Balanced!)

Balance can come in many forms, and focusing on any of them can help you feel more at peace!

January is often thought of as a month of new beginnings, goals, and resolutions, and it is a great time for this! However, it’s also officially named “Get a Balanced Life” Month, which provides a greater awareness that, while we’re looking for new ways to change our lives, remembering balance is a key factor to consider. This is important for two reasons:

Keeping balance in mind can help you to create goals that will increase the level of balance that you maintain in your life. This can mean a balanced schedule (work-life balance), a balanced diet (the right fuel can build fitness and wellness), a balanced mind (emotional resilience and the fun of learning new things), and many other forms of balance. It’s all quite worthy of remembering in your goals.

Maintaining balance in mind as you create these goals can help you to stick with them. Having the goal of physical fitness is fantastic, but approaching it from an imbalanced perspective (planning hours at the gym each day, for example, instead of starting with moderate exercise and working your way up) can sabotage your motivation and make quitting feel inevitable. Staying balanced in your approach can make all the difference!

In the interest of balance, here are some strategies for maintaining balance, and here are some tips for setting goals in a way that you can more easily reach them. Think about the areas of your life that may be out of balance. Which areas would you like to bring into balance first? You may want to make a list of goals and keep it where you can find it. And then be sure you do something fun today–this is an excellent and simple way to feel balanced in many ways!

(And again, if you’re reading this any other time of the year, just harness the “spirit of January” and change what you want now!)

Five Minutes and You’ll Feel Better…

Five minutes can change your life (if you use them consistently! Otherwise, they can change your perspective on life!)

Part of effective stress management is creating habits that build resilience. Meditation, exercise, and journaling area ll habits that increase in effectiveness over time and help you to be more resilient with practice. This doesn’t mean that you need to practice stress relievers for a long period of time before you can benefit from them, however. There are many stress relievers that can work well in mere minutes. In fact, studies have all proven that three minutes of the following can measurably reduce stress:

1. Exercise
2. Mini-meditations
3. Stress relief breathing
4. A shift in perspective
5. Music that you enjoy

Part of why this is effective is that each of these activities can help your body reverse its stress response (if it has been triggered) so you can approach what you face with a clear head and a more proactive mindset. Try one of the above and see how they work for you!

As for my New Year goal for my website, I’ve been making some progress that I’m happy with. (You can see it at DailyPieceOfPeace.com.) How are you coming with your New Year’s goals? (If you need help, there are resources below in previous Peace Pieces. Go for it!)

Is Facebook Stressing You Out?

Pensive man at laptop in home office

If you’ve found that Facebook, Instagram, and other social media sites leave you feeling a little worse, a little more stressed when you’ve been looking at them for a while, you’re not alone.  Studies have found a direct correlation with the amount of time people spend on social media sites and how stressed they are, which could mean a few things. It could mean that more-stressed people spend more time on social media, it could mean that social media is causing more stress, or a combination of both. Other research, however, has connected the stress of social comparison (when we compare our lives to the lives of others–we all do it to some degree) to social media.

What’s worse, because people usually only post the best versions of their lives and experiences but we see the good, bad, and ugly truth of our own, we’re comparing our best and worst to just their best, which gives us a distorted view of how our lives are compared to others’.

There are a few things you can do about this, and they don’t all have to involve logging off. (This is especially true because some social media, such as my Facebook Page About Stress Management, can help you to relieve stress!) Also, staying connected to others, swapping jokes and recipes, and staying current on things you care about can all enrich your life.

Today I suggest that you read more about how to limit the stress of social media social comparison so you can still enjoy what you may love about social media without as much stress from what you don’t love. And while you’re at it, feel free to share my page with people who may want stress relief resources if you’re so inclined. Enjoy your day!